I have shared this in a group I am in. I am now becoming a bit more comfortable sharing this as time goes by. It is my hope that this can encourage someone by my sharing, so here goes
Alida- Rom 8:28 "And we know that all things work together for good to them that love God, to them who are the called according to [his] purpose."
This would be the verse that gives me SO much hope! This verse tells the story of my life. My life has been one catastrophe from another, but everything done to me, every bad decision I've made, everything wrong in my life, even the hurts that I have, the Lord has used them all to bring glory to His name and to the benefit so someone else.
My family is one of the most dysfunctional families that I have ever known and are the most violent people I have heard of. When I was 9 months old my dad who was an explosive evil violent man, beat my mom with me in her arms. Broke her ribs, many bones and many facial parts were damaged. Praise God, I wasn’t hurt at all. She fled to California and tried as best she could to raise me. Sadly she got on heroine. I got taken away from her and placed in foster care.
Ladies, I urge you to please prayerfully consider fostering a child. Many folks who do this do so w/evil motives. I can tell you horror stories. If we were to have anymore children I will be fostering them. My foster mom was racist and very cruel. I got shipped to go live with my grandparents and father, thinking this would be better, I was joyful, as I never had a dad before.
My grandfather was very violent and I remember going to domestic violence shelter with my grandma who would promise to leave my grandpa and always went back. My grandma took out her frustrations on me and I was often whipped with cords & various objects for no reason. I remember one time getting beat for drinking my grandma's "Crown Royal" by like three different people in my family! I was like 7 years old! like a 7 year old would drink alcohol! I remember having suicidal thoughts when I was 7. I remember thinking “I gotta get away from here or I’ll die. I never thought I’d make it to adulthood and had constant nightmares of me dying.
I’d go stay with my dad but he was worse. He dated women and I always saw him beating them. Some of them he forced into prostitution. It’s sad the women with kids the kids saw there mom getting beat up constantly. I often wonder how these girls are now as adults. He was in or prison often. My dad would threaten to kill me. (One of his brothers had committed suicide and shot his infant son before he did it, my dad always thought that was so heroic) He always swore he do the same to me. A weird situation to be in knowing your dad wants to kill you.
One day he slapped me so hard, He was a very muscular man from years of prison, and left a huge hand mark on my face for a weeks! I was teased at school and felt horrible. I was 8, I think. After that I refused to speak to him for a year! I was a determined child.
My mom received reports from social services of my abuse and got herself off drugs. She moved to California again and got custody of me when I was 9. I had panic attacks from the getting beat all the time that didn’t really stop until I was about 12. In the middle of the night I’d be gripped with fear for no reason. My poor mom. When she got me back she didn’t know how to help me. She did her best but we fought constantly and she had lots of guilt for my years with my grandparents. She was clean for many years then started heroine again when the man who is now my step dad moved out.
I was sent to shelters a lot for being a “bad kid”. ( really for having messed up parents) Eventually I met this guy who I dated for 3 years. I was 13, he was 17. He ended up being so much like my father it was uncanny. He was violent/obsessed. I ended up getting pregnant at 14. I should have left him then but didn’t. My mom found out and made me get an abortion. I thought to myself, it’s for the better. Abused people abuse their kids. I won’t do to my kids what’s been done to me. That haunted me for years.I hated my mom, and felt like I was a burden to her. I had suicidal thoughts for a while. My arms still have many scars form many cuts on them. They are reminders to me of my life without God.
I have seen and lived through some VERY disturbing situations. Someone must have seriously been praying for me. I knew in my heart there is a God, but just that He must not like me! lol. I experimented in a few other religions for a while including witchcraft, Muslim, and new age, astrology, some Mormonism, etc. I was VERY into the occult. I started reading the Bible but never got saved. When my mom kicked me out at 17, I went wild from all the freedom, but the Lord sent Christians in my path to minister to me.
Finally at 18 I truly became born again. I backslid more than a few times still wrestling with demons from my past and trying to conquer the hate in my heart. To be honest I just didn’t fully trust that God had the best thoughts for me. I got pregnant by my now husband and recommitted me life to the Lord. I have been on fire for Him ever since. The Lord has used me in many ways! I can’t even tell you all the things He has brought me through, the people He has made me to witness to. It is awesome and beautiful. I shouldn’t even be here and here I am thriving and sharing the love of Christ.
Many of my friends that saw what I came from and how I am such a loving mom, and how I am still here and can PRAISE The Lord despite my childhood have told me they think about God more because it’s me telling them about it. I tell them it is the Lord who had a purpose for me and them and that the Lord will bring something good out of ANYTHING if you just let Him. Can I update on you now on those people in my life?
My grandma passed away but re-dedicated her life to Christ before she died. My dad whom I hated passed away from cancer, but I forgave him for my childhood because the Lord forgave me. I helped lead him to the Lord and this evil horrible wicked man accepted CHRIST before he died. If that’s not a testimony I don’t know what is. My mom is sober and a good mom to my brother and sister. As for me, I have an abundant life through Christ with no guilt, no hate in my heart and am the ONLY one in my WHOLE family who is married and in a loving relationship. I am an awesome mama.
I can't wait to see how the Lord will use each thing in my life to give Him glory now. God is good. Jeremiah 29:11 for I know the plans I have for you," says the LORD. "They are plans for good and not for disaster, to give you a future and a hope.