" Though my father and mother forsake me, the LORD will receive me." Psalm 27:10 "Hope deferred makes the heart sick, but a longing fulfilled is a tree of life." Proverbs 13:12 "But I trust in your unfailing love; my heart rejoices in your salvation." Psalm 13:5 "And now these three remain: faith, hope and love. But the greatest of these is love." 1 Corinthians 13:13
Sep 3, 2013
Yesterday I was really suffering from "the orphan mentality" and washing the dishes preparing to leave. I told the Lord that sometimes it still really grieves me that I don't have family, that my children lack grandparents that care and are involved. I shared how I'm saddened that the family I do have finds me useless unless I'm useful to them, namely helping them financially which I can't / won't do as it would only enable substance abuse. I told Him how it hurt my heart when my son was sick no blood relative came to pray, support or help in any way. I remember thinking if he passed away they wouldn't have known unless they ran into us on the street and realized we were minus a child. It's painful that while we've been contacted for money or to be used as storage, or transportation my baby turns 1 soon, and they have never asked to see her, her name, gender, age or know the joy she brings to our family. I told Him also how it hurts constantly wondering if they are off the streets, safe, overdosed or seriously hurt, how I'm weary of praying for the breaking of strongholds of sin, addiction and dysfunction only to hear of them sinking further and deeper into chaos and depravity. I dried my hands off, grabbed my purse and walked outside to where my husband and children were waiting in the van when I saw them speaking to the very person who raised me (during the times I wasn't in fostercare or living with friends) that I was just praying about! They are doing worse than ever and the saddest was hearing how the children are doing. I will be making some calls today. I did get to pray with them that Our Heavenly Father would restore the years the locusts have eaten and make something good to come from this situation. Still I'm grieved. Still I pray. While they live there is always hope. Praying those I care about would choose life both the physical and eternal. 2 Peter 3:9 "The Lord is not slow about His promise, as some count slowness, but is patient toward you, not wishing for any to perish but for all to come to repentance."