Oct 24, 2007
When I was about 14 years old (1995), I had an abortion. I have always regretted this decision. It will always stay with me. Abortions snuff out human life and damage mothers as well. Yes you are a mother even if your child is ripped away from your womb. 14 was a crazy horrible time for me. My mother was on drugs, I was with an abusive guy that didn't really love me, and I felt trapped. I hated school anyway, but trying to get up and go to school when I was nauseous and vomiting to teachers that didn't like me in the first place was hard. My boyfriend didn't believe me so I saved the pregnancy test and showed him. He seemed very excited at first. (afterall he bragged how he put holes in the condoms) I was confused and hid the pregnancy for awhile, wasn't hard as my mom was doing her own thing. I just wanted time to figure out what to do. I didn't want the baby, I figured I was so messed up, I couldn't raise any child to be decent, especially with a guy that would beat up on me. It was like living my moms life all over again. My mom used to tell me "you better not get pregnant, I won't keep you or a kid if you do. I'll put you in one of those group homes. " I didn't want an abortion either. I saw a few movies where gals gave there babies up to loving homes and that seemed ok. I just needed more time, more information. I was told my baby was just a mass of cells. Deep down I knew better and did want an alternative like adoption.
My friend Jennifer came over after school. When I came in my mom mentioned that when Jennifer left, she needed to speak with me. When I went to my room I panicked.. I'll never know why, but my mother decided out of the blue to clean my room, do my laundry and when I came home from school, I came in to see the jeans with the pregnancy test gone! A very sick feeling in my stomach came over me. I wished Jennifer would not go home. My mom confronted me about it. I confessed that I was indeed pregnant. She mentioned that this wouldn't come between us and that we'd get through it.
It was decided that I'd get an abortion. Later on I mentioned adoption. That idea was quickly shot down by my mother, my boyfriend and his mother.(who didn't want "proof" of statutory rape, he was almost turning 18) They felt that I'd get to "attached " to the baby and refuse to give it up. The appointment was set at a planned parenthood. ( an evil organization) I walked up and saw one lone protester and hoped (prayed that is she came up and spoke to me I wouldn't do it) I hoped she'd come speak to my mother and I. She was far away. I remember two girls with their boyfriends who were very casual, not at all upset. This surprised me. They discovered that I had asthma and that my mom needed to drive home and get my inhaler before the surgery. During that time I tried to protest to my boyfriend that we could do this another way. He mentioned that I'd have my whole life ahead of me to have kids, and that we just needed to do this. This was upsetting as this baby was HIS idea. I was the one who insisted on using "protection." I remember thinking... "oh God, twins run in my family, what if am killing TWO babies! The twins I always wanted" I felt like had no choice. I could have run away until I was too far along for the abortion, but that frightened me. I was told that runways go to juvenile hall. I didn't want a criminal record. I wished I could some how freeze the growth of baby in my womb to a time when I was older and could either take care of this child or decide what to do. I can see how girls panic , hide their pregnancies, block it out of their mind and sort of forget their pregnancy.
Even though I mentioned to 2or 3 staff members that I did NOT want my abortion and that they were making me do this, they ignored me and gave me scrubs to put on and lead me down the hall. There was NEVER a discussions on other options. Why? because they wanted to make money. Because they probably didn't acknowledge that every child, yes even black children borne to teenage mothers out of wedlock, are wanted children. A child created by God for His purposes. A child that could bring new life and joy to a barren family's longing loving arms. They made me get on a table with stir ups. Told me to scoot way down. I'll never forget the doctor aned nurses in their scrubs looking at me in the white bare operating room. They gave me a IV and told me to count backward from 100. I think I only got to like 97.
I woke up feeling drugged and foggy. I was hysterical and crying and saying something about "they killed the baby, the baby's gone!" I remember something one of the staff members said "we got ourselves a crier here, a drama queen (or something to that affect)" then I fell asleep again. I remember waking up and them wheeling me into a room with other ladies on beds. Gee there must have been 6 or 8 gals there. They were all chatting like it was no big deal. One of them said "this is my fourth time" another lady who was older maybe like 30's said oh I had this procedure done about 4 or 7 times. I can't recall. I was like "What! how can you do this ? why? I will NEVER be back here again." To which they replied "sure that's what they all say!" I felt so worthless, violated and ashamed. I was angry at being in this situation and for being here. They made me get up and sit on the toilet. Something about getting clots out, or I'd get sick. I was bleeding heavily, there was SO much blood. I wondered if the clots of blood were pieces of the baby. I felt all the more guilty. They gave me pads and dismissed me and told me to wait a few weeks before having sex again. This bothered my boyfriend. I felt dizzy. My boyfriend held my hand as we left and made jokes to cheer me up. He seemed fine. My mom made me lunch and told me to take it easy. My boyfriend had so readily gotten over the ordeal that he was pressuring me for intercourse about an hour or two after the surgery. Why I stayed with him so long, I'll never know. I guess I always knew the only family I had would be the one I made. Maybe I figured at least I got to choose who would mistreat me.
About a month later, I was at school and coming back from lunch. I believe it was a man who handed me a paper about the development of babies and options to abortions with pictures and descriptions of abortion procedures. I read it and immediately felt sick to my stomach. the 11 week old baby was so developed already. When I saw how much my baby looked like a baby I became filled with such deep indescribable anguish and regret. The magazine provided many links to homes, shelters and hotlines for young women. Where was all of this a month ago?
I never thought the Lord would bless me with children as I had committed so great a sin. The Lord has been merciful and given me 4! I have been restored to fellowship with him. God's has blessed me greatly, but sometimes I wonder if I had one baby or twins that were aborted. What would my 11 year old look like. Would they have green eyes like their father, dimples like my kids now. Would he or she have had curly hair? I know that will see my child in heaven, but not a day goes by that I don't wish that I wouldn't have chosen the easy way out. In Jesus, Alida
"When I was young and free and my imagination had no limits, I dreamed of changing the world. As I grew older and wiser, I discovered the world would not change, so I shortened my sights somewhat and decided to change only my country.
"But it, too, seemed immovable.
"As I grew into my twilight years, in one last desperate attempt, I settled for changing only my family, those closest to me, but alas, they would have none of it.
"And now, as I lie on my deathbed, I suddenly realize: If I had only changed myself first, then by example I would have changed my family."From their inspiration and encouragement, I would then have been able to better my country, and who knows, I may have even changed the world."
Aug 10, 2007
Yes, my hubby did it, He enlisted in the army! :-) He joined the union! (to free the slaves of course!) I wanted to pass on this pic of my hubby in His reenactment attire. It is so fun to watch Huatzin (aka History Buff) He is the 1st USSS Berdan Sharp Shooters, Company C. Come on out and check us out! Hope to see you at an event! The next reenactment will be September 1 - 2 it is FREE and in Huntington Beach! Huntington Beach Ccivilivil War Reenactment
Its is wonderful to watch. The whole family learns so much! Fathers volunteer with their sons, I hope to get clothing for all of us so that we can stay overnight in our own camp while daddy is with the Soldier guys. ( though you don't have to) They do amputations as well. The whole family can watch or volunteer! They are always looking for volunteers. it is so fun to learn so much about history in such a wonderful way! Hope to see you at an event! A history note... Captured sharp shooters were usually executed because they actually AIMED for there targets, where as line infantry would always point to the direction to where they would fire, and it was up to God on who that bullet would killed. Which is why some soldiers closed their eyes while shooting. The berdans on the other hand choose they would kill. http://www.angelfire.com/co3/sharpshooters/usss.html
In Jesus. ALidaw4
"May all who come behind us find us faithful." Soli Deo Gloria (For the Glory of God alone)
It shall come to pass that BEFORE they call, I WILL answer, and while they are still speaking, I will hear. isn't this so good.what a reminder that before we even ask of the Lord, He is answering.....this encouraged me greatly.the creator of the universe who spoke this world into existence is waiting to hear from me....Jesus already knows our prayer but there is life and healing in the obedience of speaking it to Him i hope it encourages you too.
This story was written by a doctor who worked in South Africa...
One night I had worked hard to help a mother in the labor ward; but
in spite of all we could do, she died leaving us with a tiny premature baby
and a crying two-year-old daughter. We would have difficulty keeping the
baby alive, as we had no incubator (we had no electricity to run an
We also had no special feeding facilities. Although we lived on the
equator, nights were often chilly with treacherous drafts. One student
midwife went for the box we had for such babies and the cotton wool that
the baby would be wrapped in.
Another went to stoke up the fire and fill a hot water bottle. She came
back shortly in distress to tell me that in filling the bottle, it had burst
(rubber perishes easily in tropical climates). "And it is our last hot water
bottle!" she exclaimed. As in the West, it is no good crying over spilled
milk so in Central Africa it might be considered no good crying over burst
water bottles. They do not grow on trees, and there are no drugstores
down forest pathways.
"All right," I said, "put the baby as near the fire as you safely can,
and sleep between the baby and the door to keep it free from drafts.
Your job is to keep the baby warm."
The following noon, as I did most days, I went to have prayers with
any of the orphanage children who chose to gather with me. I gave the
youngsters various suggestions of things to pray about and told them
about the tiny baby. I explained our problem about keeping the baby warm enough, mentioning the hot water bottle, and that the baby could so easily
die if it got chills. I also told them of the two-year-old sister, crying because
her mother had died.
During prayer time, one ten-year old girl, Ruth, prayed with the usual
blunt conciseness of our African children. "Please, God" she prayed, "send
us a water bottle. It'll be no good tomorrow, God, as the baby will be
dead, so please send it this afternoon."
While I gasped inwardly at the audacity of the prayer, she added, "And
while You are about it, would You please send a dolly for the little girl so
she'll know You really love her?"
As often with children's prayers, I was put on the spot. Could I honestly
say,"Amen". I just did not believe that God could do this. Oh, yes, I
know that He can do everything, the Bible says so. But there are limits,
aren't there? The only way God could answer this particular prayer would
be by sending me a parcel from homeland. I had been in Africa for almost
four years at that time, and I had never, ever received a parcel from home.
Anyway, if anyone did send me a parcel, who would put in a hot water
bottle? I lived on the equator! Halfway through the afternoon, while I was
teaching in the nurses' training school, a message was sent that there was
a car at my front door.
By the time I reached home, the car had gone, but there, on the veranda,
was a large twenty-two pound parcel. I felt tears pricking my eyes. I could
not open the parcel alone, so I sent for the orphanage children.
Together we pulled off the string, carefully undoing each knot. We folded
the paper, taking care not to tear it unduly. Excitement was mounting.
Some thirty or forty pairs of eyes were focused on the large cardboard
box. From the top, I lifted out brightly colored, knitted jerseys. Eyes
sparkled as I gave them out. Then there were the knitted bandages for the
leprosy patients, and the children looked a little bored. Then came a box of
mixed raisins and sultanas - that would make a batch of buns for the
weekend. Then, as I put my hand in again, I felt the.....could it really be?
I grasped it and pulled it out - yes, a brand-new, rubber hot water bottle. I
cried. I had not asked God to send it; I had not truly believed that He
could. Ruth was in the front row of the children. She rushed forward,
crying out, "If God has sent the bottle, He must have sent the dolly too!"
Rummaging down to the bottom of the box, she pulled out the small,
beautifully dressed dolly. Her eyes shone! She had never doubted!
Looking up at me, she asked: "Can I g over with you and give this dolly
to that little girl, so she'll know that Jesus really loves her?"
That parcel had been on the way for five whole months. Packed up by my
former Sunday school class, whose leader had heard and obeyed God's
prompting to send a hot water bottle, even to the equator. And one of
the girls had put in a dolly for an African child - five months before, in
answer to the believing prayer of a ten-year-old to bring it "that afternoon."
"Before they call, I will answer" (Isaiah 65:24)
This is too FUNNY! Clean, and the woman in the clip was from the Women of Faith tour. How many times have you said these things??
Wherefore come out from among them, and be ye separate, saith the Lord, and touch not the unclean thing; and I will receive you.
http://www.ur-video.com/ This totally inspired me!
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~"May all who come behind us find us faithful." Soli Deo Gloria (For the Glory of God alone) Alida Fiametta-RodriguezDomestic Diva, Proud Homemaking Homeschooling Kingdom building Mother to 4_____________Lowly Alida-Daughter of the High King, Wife to Huatzin The Noble Knight, Mother to twins Elijah the Great & Canaan the Magnificent, Virtuous Princess Anaiah Grace 2, Josiah My little man of Valor (5 months)