I am pretty tired. This has been a long year that I can't wait to be over. Either Jesus or 2010 please come quickly. ;-) We thought we were wrapping up our little voyage down affliction lane ( 6 months don't ya know) with my husband finally finding work. Praise the Lord, He is working, however they just laid off 19 OTHER guys. They just hired him last week so this is truly puzzling.
We thought that our precious Josiah was healed but the last couple labs came back with him having very low platelets. They have thrown the Hematology/oncology team for a loop. The virus they thought was causing this whole thing is no longer present. They were low again today. 39,000 platelets and slowly dropping, In the past they have given transfusions for being that low. So we go in Thursday for a bone marrow biopsy and aspiration and to "discuss our options." ;-( BTW, this is NOT the time to call or write with the whole Jabaz prayer prosperity gospel, telling me that "if "I" just enough FAITH my son would be healed, we'd own our own home and we'd be living a life of abundance and luxury." Save it..PLEASE! I won't get into the biblical inaccuracies of that statement... but it's not very kind or beneficial.
I am a faith filled person, but had a rough day. Even though I have brought him numerous times before, they won't let siblings come into the clinic oncology/hematology clinic for any reason. That was fine, A friend watched my olders but they plainly told me that they will not let Hezekiah in any longer. ( they made exceptions for nursing babies in the past) Well, not anymore. Apparently a couple of children have died from the flu. Keep in mind these are immune compromised patients so please don't panic) My son spends the entire time in my sling, not out about and playing. Most of that time is spent sleeping or nursing under my shirt covered with my sling. "I" am more of a illness threat than he is!
Hezekiah doesn't take a bottle. I'm thinking they don't see the big deal with that because they are working mothers that probably are thinking "just get a sitter and bottle feed him!" I feel that we aren't on the same page with how important it is to keep a breastfed baby close to mother. I don't leave my infants with anyone. I never have. My whole countenance fell. I understand their concern. I wouldn't mind them checking him before hand to make sure he is well before we went in or doing some sort of compromise. A win/win. Afterall "I" too could be sick and they let me in. This makes things extremely difficult for us. I picture having to leave my baby while Josiah gets transfusions( which take along time) or worse, Josiah being hospitalized days or weeks at a time and me having to be away from my baby who probably wonders why mommy isn't holding him. ( awful to think about, and pretty dang unnatural) I can already hear him crying for me in my mind. I rebuke hospitalization for Josiah in Jesus name.
I tell myself to let tomorrow worry about it's own troubles and we'll cross that bridge if and when we get to it. I need to pump and pray for Thursday's bone marrow aspiration and biopsy. I pray Hezie either sleeps the whole time I'm gone or miraculously takes a bottle. I'm also praying against the really bad feeling that won't leave.. depart I say! depart! I wonder what is in store for our family and what the results will be and what it means for us. I am moment to moment trying to trust and follow my Father and trying to run to Jesus . I am trying to show my CHILDREN how to run to Jesus during all this uncertainty. ;-) Bless you all.
Matt6:34 Therefore do not worry about tomorrow, for tomorrow will worry about its own things. Sufficient for the day is its own trouble.