Bartering with the Lord...

On Sunday at around 3 in the morning I awoke to a terrible dream about a family member and felt the Lord wanting me to get up and pray. I thought about the word of knowledge that I received from a sweet praying woman about how the Lord was going to start answering Salvation prayers for those we’ve been praying for, for years and opening up opportunities to share the gospel than I had been able to before. I started to intercede for the many people dealing with sickness addictions, and bondage to sin, the many with financial and health troubles. There is such peace that comes when you take your focus off your circumstances and pray for the needs of others and look to Jesus. Suddenly the impossible seems possible.

I heard the verse of giving thanks in every circumstance. It occurred to me that I had thanked God when Huatzin lost his job. I even thanked God when we ended up not getting the home we were about to close on, all those things seemed easy enough to trust in God’s leading and provision for. I felt a nudge saying “but you didn’t thank God for Josiah’s medical issues.” (Here it gets more personal; we tend to cling tightly to all things regarding our children) I have been feeling the struggle regarding that area and just could never bring myself to do it. How can I thank God for my little boy being ill? I heard the songs “Give thanks to the Lord, for He is good, his love endures forever.” I thought of the song “rejoice in the Lord always.” I thought of all the uncertainties of what lies ahead. Finally and very tearfully I got to the place when I could PRAISE and THANK the Lord for Josiah’s illness with sincerity and gratefulness, Knowing that He sees the WHOLE picture. Knowing also that He'd be near to help and lead me through any circumstance, no matter the difficulty.

I thought about how we make deals with the Lord. “Lord use my children, but please don’t let them”(fill in the blank) Oddly enough we were recently discussing the mother of the disciples that asks Jesus if her sons could sit on his right and left side in heaven. Jesus told her "Can you drink the cup I drink or be baptized with the baptism I am baptized with?" We all want incredible little beacons for Christ, but we don’t want the work, toil and pain that come with getting there.

A while back, I remember saying Lord please don’t let my children get sick and felt Him saying “but what if it’s for my good.” I said then Lord if it’s your will.” I said Lord please don’t let my children become orphaned or let me die before they are fully grown, and He said but what if it’s for my glory, and VERY reluctantly I said, Lord whatever it takes, but I don’t find that at all ideal! I said “Lord PLEASE keep my children from ever turning from you and living in sin,” once again He encouraged me just to trust that WHATEVER happens to my children , He’ll be there for them like he has been for me. He encouraged me to let this whole illusion of control that we think we have over our children’s lives go. He’ll do whatever it takes to form my children into His likeness and to use their precious lives the way He sees fit. That I shouldn’t try to make His will my will, that God is bigger than how I picture Him.

Isaiah 64:8 but now, O LORD, thou [art] our father; we [are] the clay, and thou our potter; and we all [are] the work of thy hand.

Isaiah 45:9 Woe unto him that strived with his Maker! Let the potsherd strive with the potsherds of the earth. Shall the clay say to him that fashioned it, what makes thou? Or thy work, He hath no hands?

He knows how this will all end; He is the author and finisher of my son’s faith. I don’t need to barter and beg and manipulate the Lord. (He sees through it all anyway) It was wonderful that this whole striving/surrendering all happened to prepare me for the very long day we’d have on Monday. ;-) Alida
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The turning point in our lives is when we stop seeking the God we want and start seeking the God who is. Patrick Morley

Give me a stout heart to bear my own burdens. Give me a willing heart to bear the burdens of others. Give me a believing heart to cast all burdens upon Thee, O Lord. John Baillie

When God turns away from us because of selfishness, it is not rejection. Rather, it is an invitation to follow Him to a place we would rather not go. Brennan Manning

If ye keep watch over your hearts, and listen for the Voice of God and learn of Him, in one short hour ye can learn more from Him than ye could learn from Man in a thousand years. Johannes Tauler

He is no fool who gives what he cannot keep, to gain what he cannot lose. Jim Elliot